Whirlwind with a side of coffee.

That just about describes this last month of my life. I filled my last weeks in Nashville mostly by sitting in coffee shops (thank you Frothy Monkey for hosting me every single day....and for your iced coconut coffee with almond milk...mmm how i miss you!), spending time with friends, visiting family, and clearing out the room in the back corner of The Buford.

:::Side note: I didn't even like really like coffee unless it was overly sugarized and somehow flavored...but after drinking it like every day..i like it...without sugar...and like regular coffee....almost black even...this is bad. Why would I start that habit? I slightly blame Sarah Rhodes for this addiction. I found a coffee I like and it was because of her. End side note.:::

Well, I mentioned last time, skydiving was one of the big events for this month. Aaaanndd mission accomplished. It was probably one of the most ridiculous experiences ever. Josh and I wouldn't even talk about it beforehand and I visualized it just enough to know I would live...after all God had called me to YWAM, so I'd be fine, right? So we get there...and let me paint the picture:

We pull into this large field. To the left is the large wooden...room? It had a roof, and 1 wall with the other 3 walls having posts along it. The 3 people that were there were very nice, and so of course we signed our lives over. Our "20 minute instructional video" was a 3 minute talk on how we needed to sit in the plane and what to do when it was close to jump time. (I actually appreciated that because I may have backed out after 20 minutes). He asked us who wanted to go first and I quickly said "ME! If I wait I won't go." So...I get suited up and sit in the plane that is maybe 4 or 5 ft wide. The door shuts. I notice the duct tape holding parts of the plane together. "No worries, all the money went towards the engine", says skydiver Damien. "Ok", says me. I sit quitely for the next 20 minutes until the desired height of 12,000 ft is reached. Pilot and skydiver keep making jokes. I don't think they're funny. I'm about to jump out of a plane. 2 MINUTES. I have to now turn around. Sit on my knees. Get strapped to skydiver Damien. We're really close friends now. He opens the door. I say a few words. He puts one foot out on a tiny ledge. I put one foot out on a tiny ledge. He says jump. We fall. Tumble even. "Oh crap, I just fell out of a plane", I think. We're flying. My mouth is really dry. I can't stop smiling. Wow, this is neat. Parachute opens. Oomph. Parachute twirls. I laugh. I make awkward jokes because I just now realized I'm hooked to a stranger. More than that I jumped out of a plane with a stranger. Safe landing. Josh's turn.

Hope you enjoyed that thought process. So i was a little more nervous when Josh went up, and when we left I actually started freaking out. And for days after we would look at each other and go "oh my gosh, we jumped out of a plane. who does that? why did we do that?" But seriously what an amazing experience. Not sure if I can muster up the courage to ever do it again...but I really did feel safe and I was flying. So Bucket List: Fly ---- CHECK! Pictures and video to come soon!

We also went rapelling and white water rafting that weekend. What a fun time with our cousins and 2 of my roommates. I wasn't the best at rapelling (See below). But I mean whatever, I just jumped out of a plane, I don't need to be good at anything else. No harm done and I made people laugh.


Fast forwarding packing, some crying, leave nashville, more packing and now I'm in my 3rd day at YWAM! Woop woop. I won't lie, i kind of freaked out Day 1. The enemy was shooting lies at me all through our first worship service on Wednesday night. I just kept thinking "what am i doing here? i miss home, i miss my roommates, i liked life in nashville. is this really where i'm supposed to be?" But we broke that off in the name of Jesus! I know without a doubt I am supposed to be here. These first few days have been pretty chill...getting to know everyone, learning rules and expectations, sharing testimonies, and having some fun too. It's been great, but I'm so ready to just start full force and get in the routine of life here. We're gong to have amazing, like blow you out of the water, teachers come in, and I am stoked for that. God has already started some awesome stuff, as I had such a huge encounter with His love this morning! I'm ready for more!

One thing I have loved is really getting to hear the heart of our leaders. Why we're in harrisburg and how God has opened doors for us to be here, what's going to come in the next few weeks and months as we start stepping out in faith and sharing the love of God to those around us. I love that revival is going to come. Please join us and so many others in prayer as seriously, the 3rd Great Awakening is on the verge of happening. We want to take back to God was (and still is) His, what was founded on His name and His truth! If you want even more details on what's going on you can check out my leader's blog: http://www.bardwellblog.com/

So that's all the updates I can think of for now. Thanks so much to everyone supporting and praying for me! It is needed as the enemy already hates what God is going to do in and through us. How exciting is that...the enemy is scared of us because He knows God is going to bring major fire and breakthrough to the Northeast!

Oh and I have an address now...so i will gladly accept all letters and care packages one may want to send :)

Fire and Fragrance

attn: Jessica Ramsay

PO Box 4826

Harrisburg, PA 17111

Love you all!

Let the Countdown Begin!

T minus 27 days and counting!

I cannot believe how fast time flies...I say that about everything, but really...it goes so fast! My last day of work was last Friday and now I'm in this wonderful month of rest and fun and preparation. It's a weird feeling really, this month of limbo. But what a sweet time the Lord is giving me with family and friends before I leave. Also planned for this month is a white water rafting trip and skydiving! So a little added adventure to make this month even better!

I have been so overwhelmed (in a good way) these past few weeks. Needless to say, raising support is not my favorite thing to do...in part because I have no control over what money is brought in and because it takes a certain humility to ask other people to help you, which does not come naturally to me. Even writing about it makes me a little uncomfortable. However, it gives me another opportunity to put all my trust in the Lord and be dependent on Him which truly has been such a fun process. He is a never failing God. I know without a doubt the Lord is leading me to be a part of this YWAM-DTS, so I have no doubt He will provide the funds for me to get there. The reason for feeling overwhelmed is because of how blessed I feel. To see the generosity of friends and family -and even some who don't know me all that well -join me financially and prayerfully in this mission is just awesome. I have a little ways to go, but I just want to say thank you, thank you, thank you all who believe in this mission I'm about to take off on! (and please feel free to keep giving :) and definitely keep praying!)

I'll keep this post short(er than the others), so I want to end this with some verses I found super encouraging for the day. I woke up at 3:30am this morning and couldn't fall asleep for the next hour, so I read. I found my Bible (this one The Message version), and started reading in Matthew. I haven't read much of The Message translation, but loved the way this part was so beautifully written. It comes from Matthew 5:13-16:

"Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.

Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven."

Humbling passage for sure. My prayer is that I will do just that, be the salt and light, to bring out the "God-flavors" and "God-colors" of the world. So be encouraged today and go forth, you salties and lighties!

God = Dad

Writing with an abundantly grateful heart today.

A few weeks ago I was at a young adult gathering that I go to every week and during worship I couldn't seem to focus on anything. Overall, I don't tend to be a worrier, but it had been one of those weeks where I had been a little discouraged and worried about my immediate finances and about fundraising for YWAM. I decided to just sit down and pray for some kind of focus and against any distraction that was seriously a clanging gong in my head. The Lord immediately brought to my mind the trust I had in my (earthly) father growing up. He started reminding me that I never once worried about missing a meal, not having clothes to wear, or having a lack of toys/gadgets to play with. As a kid, I was totally oblivious to our finances. I know we had our high points, and I know we had our really low points, but through the ups and downs I never had an inkling of a doubt that my dad was going to provide for me...and he is a sinful, earthly, human man. But I had all the faith in the world that he would provide for my needs. The realization of that truth hit me like a ton of bricks and I started repenting for my lack of faith in my HEAVENLY FATHER...who is GOD, faultless, perfect, holy, and faithful (among a trillion other truths about Him). If I could trust in this man I have been blessed with as a guiding light on this earth, HOW MUCH MORE should I trust in the ALMIGHTY.

Throughout the next 2 weeks, He began showing Himself to me as Father like never before (probably because I was trying to actually seek Him and not acting as a bystander in my relationship with Him, which happens all too often in my life). The truth that "God is my dad" and "my dad is God" really began to sink in. While reading Forgotten God (Francis Chan), He reminded me that I have received the Spirit of adoption (we, as believers, are NOT orphans!) and how much does the Father wants to lavish His love on His kids! (Read Ephesians 1). I decided that with this simple truth, I would lay aside my worries and fears and just depend on my Heavenly dad.

Fast forward a week and I'm worrying again (why do I do this???). I was packing up some things to move to my parents house and getting a list of to do's done before I left for the booming metropolis of Jackson, TN. One of those things being, I HAD to get my oil changed. Knowing I would be surviving on the bare minimum for the rest of the week, it wasn't something I could bypass. While waiting on my oil change, I was informed that my 'serpentine belt' was majorly cracked and that if it broke, my car wouldn't run. They couldn't tell me for sure when it would break but wanted to let me know. It was something I just could not afford. I leave there and call my parents to get their advice. Since this was not the first time I had been prompted about said belt, I was advised to go ahead and change it...which completely overwhelmed me. But my parents, being the wonderful people they are, said they would pay for this one. Even knowing this, it's just something I didn't want to do. I didn't want to use their money, but I wouldn't even be able to drive to Jackson if I used mine. I went to the auto shop and left my car overnight. The next morning I was still complaining about something always being wrong with my car, but went to pick up my car knowing 'it will be ok.' I walk in, tell them which car was mine, and they say "No charge."....I'm sorry "what?" "Yep, no charge. I'll go get your car." My only thought was that my parents called the payment in so I didn't have to worry about it. I called my mom on the drive home and she informed me that they in fact did NOT pay for it. So...I went back, partly because we were all questioning if they'd done anything to it. I went in and asked them about it...and same answer "No ma'am, no charge." I was completely thrown off guard. They did in fact change the belt, and I don't know if someone paid for it or they just saw the desperation in my face, but all I can say is that God my Father took care of me, even in my lack of faith in Him! So Thank YOU, Dad. Even though I'm a pretty bad child and don't always trust You, You still provide.

Sometimes His provision isn't that tangible, and sometimes it isn't given to us in the ways we think it should be, but either way, He is Father and He is Good. He is even better than we think or give Him credit for. And so when I lose faith again, because my dumb human tendencies will undoubtedly lead me that way, I hope I can remember all of the things He has provided for me and all the promises He has given to me. The best one being I am an heir to the Kingdom of God.

Since this simple truth has made a profound impact on me, I have been even more convicted to sit down, get alone, and spend time with Him so that I can truly live in relationship. This could not be a harder task for me. One because I LOVE being around people and two because I have 5 roommates...But I know that without spending time with Him, I will not grow and I will not act out of the love of the Father.

So, I sit here thankful. Thankful for my earthly parents who have guided me in this life, provided for me, and been wonderful examples as followers of Christ. Thankful for a brother who is pastoring the next generation and who is a fantastic sibling that I look up to. Thankful for my beautiful, talented, hilarious, God-fearing roommates who I learn from everyday and are there for me whenever I need them. Thankful for these last 2 years in Nashville, that through my highs and lows have molded and shaped me to be who I am today and for all the people God has put in my life in this lovely city. Thankful for future adventures. And most important, thankful for a Heavenly Father who loves me always, unconditionally, and without fault.

Be Quiet and Listen

With this post I wish I could express just how amazing GOD is. However, that is nearly impossible because He is unexplainable, He is better than words, and more so He goes beyond all comprehension. So anything I have to say about Him pales in comparison to the greatness of all that our God is.

Knowing all of this, I wish I was better at LISTENING to Him. I get so caught up in myself a lot of days that I realize I've gone through the motions again, not paying attention to where the Lord wanted to take me, who He wanted me to talk to, or what He wanted to say to me.

If you're like me, you may sometimes doubt the faithfulness of God. I think in my heart I always know He'll come through, but my head has the hardest time wrapping itself around the idea...I guess that's why we're called to live by faith, eh?

I'm learning when I feel that little nudge in me to say something to someone or hold my tongue or whatever it is the Spirit may be prompting me to do...I just need to do it. Even if I'm wrong and I go out of my way to say something nice to someone, they'll still be blessed and the Lord still sees the willingness of my heart to serve Him through something so small. It seems unfathomable to me that I can see the faithfulness of God in my life...and the next day doubt that He'll show up again...even though HE SHOWS UP EVERY SINGLE TIME!

"The world is not moved by love or actions that are of human creation. And the church is not empowered to live differently from any other gathering of people without the Holy Spirit. But when believers live in the power of the Spirit, the evidence in their lives is supernatural. The church cannot help but be different, and the world cannot help but notice." (Francis Chan, Forgotten God)

I went to one of my favorite Nashville coffee spots tonight with two great friends of mine. We'd been enjoying ourselves talking and pretending that we were in Greece and playing dumb games when a guy walks over to our table. I scanned our area and noticed we had already taken our coffee cups back, so he didn't work there and wasn't coming to clear off our table. I figured this would be one of those typical 'random guy talks to random girl' moments...we'd all be a little weirded out and then laugh about it later. He introduced himself, complemented my headband and I made a comparison of our hippie looks for the evening (since he donned a bandanna across his forehead.) Well, for whatever reason my hippie comment led him into telling his life story to us. Usually by this point I've written the guy off wishing he'd hurry up and leave so we could get back to enjoying ourselves. Since he didn't give off the "creeper" vibe, I kept getting the feeling that we needed to hear him out (which I found out later we'd all had the same prompting). We became actively engaged in his story and I realized that this was one of those times that I needed to seek the Lord for wisdom in how to respond. He was wrapping up when my heart started beating faster and faster (a sign that usually shows me I'm about to talk and I'm super nervous to do so). I kept praying for the Lord to guide me and when he finished I told him I was a Christian and wasn't sure if he believed in God or not, but that God wanted him to know He had a plan for his life and that He's given our friend a great set of talents that are to be shared with others. He'd also mentioned that he had been really sick lately and he then let us pray for him, for healing and blessing and more revelation of God in his life. I can't even remember the words spoken, but the feeling of allowing God working through us was awweeessome.

That's how we're supposed to live, Christians. I have no idea if I'll ever see this guy again, I have no idea if he's healed physically, I have no idea if the impact I felt from our encounter felt the same way to him...but I do know that God showed me that's what we need to do and how we're supposed to live. It doesn't matter if we feel dumb, and the worst someone can do is tell us no we can't speak to them (and that's ok!). But who doesn't want to hear that there's hope? Because there is, THERE IS HOPE! "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope" (Romans 15:13).

So my challenge to you and to myself is get out of our boxes. Get to know someone new, buy a meal for someone, leave unexpected gifts for people, pray for a random person on the street, etc. ("Do not be anxious beforehand what you are to say, but whatever is given to you in that hour, for it is not you who speak, but the Holy Spirit" --Mark 13:11)

We need to WAKE UP! Wake up to what we're called to do and how we're supposed to live while we're in this world. Share the love of God to someone who may not know about His love, or to someone who needs to be reminded...which, yep, that about accounts for every person in this world.

I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes from Francis Chan (again taken from his book Forgotten God). He was talking about the disciples after they had received the Holy Spirit (Acts 2). He says, "The Spirit led the first Christians to do unexplainable things, to live lives that didn't make sense to the culture around them, and ultimately to spread the story of God's grace around the world."

I want to live like that. So who's with me?

New Adventures

HI!

If you've found this blog, then you are more than likely here to share in my upcoming adventure to Pennsylvania with Youth with a Mission (YWAM). This blog will be used as an outlet to share with you everything God is doing in the planning of this trip and throughout my 8 month journey.

First, I'm going to go ahead and apologize for the length of this blog. Therefore, from this point forward I give you permission to skim! Also, I apologize for any grammatical mistakes, run on sentences, use of "...", lack of capitalization, bunny trails and any nonsense. If any of these are going to bother you...just stop reading now. But really don't! I want you to read more :)

Second, you may be wondering why my blog's name is wildroe. Well first, my name was already in use by someone else. And second it's a reminder to me of the goodness of God. I'll explain:

About 5 years ago I went to a conference in Seattle, WA. The Lord had been teaching me about His Spirit and about our ability to actually hear Him when we listen. They divided all of us into groups of about 10 people each. We then prayed for a group member and waited on the Lord to speak to that person through us. For whatever reason I remember a man saying I was like a "graceful gazelle" (among other more pertinent things). I always pushed it aside and thought nothing of it...especially because "graceful" might not be the best adjective in describing me! However, recently my curiosity and love of Google led me to search the symbolism of gazelles.

This animal is known for its beauty, grace, and swiftness and when threatened they are known to be very alert and skillful. I also found several verses using the term gazelle and found out it is interchangeable with the roe deer:

Psalm 42:1
As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?

Habakkuk 3:17-19
Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be not herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on high places.

I know God used that man, 5 years ago, to speak to me today. My prayer is that I can be like the roe in that I would allow the grace and beauty of the Lord to flow through me in every situation; and when the enemy tries to attack, I would be grounded in the Word to be alert to his lies and swift in my defense.

Still confused?

Well, just know that God is good. He is faithful to fulfill the promises He has made. He desires to know you intimately. So seek God. Thirst for Him. Look for Him. I guarantee He will blow your socks off!

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Third: Back to YWAM!

Can I just say: I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you are unfamiliar with YWAM visit their website at www.ywam.org

This organization started in 1960 with a vision to send young people "into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation" (Mark 16:15 -ESV). Now YWAM has over a thousand bases worldwide and has expanded to all age groups in efforts to know God and make Him known.

I am moving to Harrisburg, Pennsylvania to be a part of a new Discipleship Training School (DTS) called Fire & Fragrance for 8 months. (For more info click HERE). 5 of those months will be a "lecture" phase where my team and I will sit under some amazing teaching, study the Word, spend time in prayer/intercession, worship, and allow the Spirit of God to flow through us in spreading His love and gospel. Essentially, WE WANT TO SEE A REVIVAL!!!!

The last 3 months will be the "outreach" phase of DTS. We will be working with local churches and ministries to help them in walking out the mission of practical evangelism in the community. Alongside that, our main outreach is going to be to the universities of the northeast US! I cannot describe to you how excited I am about this!!!! If you could see the last 2 years of my life, you would undoubtedly know that this is an area the Lord has been preparing me to venture into! I know this is a pivotal moment in the US and to be able to share the love of God to future leaders of our nation is going to be aawweessoommee!!

So thank you, thank you, thank you for taking the time to read about my life and I look forward to sharing this journey with you!!